Sorry about wednesday night

Sorry man, you guys had to hear my drums drumming during prayer night. I'll try to eat next time b4 I come to prayer nite. Honestly, my stomach is making noises now too after eating potluck but I'm not HUNGRY! I'll try to minimize the drum rolls:)

He has made me glad...

That's the song that comes to my mind..."He(God) has made me glad. I've been doom and gloom over the last little while over some things happening in my life but moments ago, the Lord has heard my prayers...He has answered them. It wasn't what I was expecting if I thought back to it weeks ago but I truly believe that sometimes the answer may be in front of me but I don't realize it. I was losing faith and patience in some people but oddly enough, the one least expected is the one that helps you back on your feet. Thank you Jesus!

Leaving the office

Yay! It's been three days now and I have left the office no later than 5:30pm. I left at 5:30 on monday, 4pm yesterday and 4:40pm today. I'm getting back to my routine. Gotta work on my attitude though, but it's getting there. One of my co-workers is annoying me but I pray that God grants me patience. Everyone is overworked, that's life. I'm bad b/c I don't have sympathy for him...b/c I stayed at the office til 6 or 7pm the last two weeks and skipped lunch and he didn't. My co-worker goes for the full lunch hour and catches zzzzzzzzzzz's too. I'm here running around trying to get stuff done. So I'm sorry if I'm not as sympathetic but you have to put in OT. You can't expect me being the only one doing OT so that I can help you out. As much as I like to help everyone out, I have to look out for myself too. I know it sounds kinda selfish, but I help if I can and I do let the temp help him too. I take a 5min lunch if even, and no I'm not on a diet or "PMS" but I have too much work to do. So if I can cut my lunch hour really short than I can get more work done and leave on time or earlier. December is going to be a killer month, but I know I'm not alone. God is with me.

My Apologies...

I know to some of you this past weekend and the past day or so that I've been a bit short-tempered I guess...For that I'm sorry. I've been a SNAPPING TURTLE, dissapointed, and confused. I'm sorry that I took it out on you all, my friends. Yet through it all, you've all sat there and listen to my complaints/venting and been supportive. I don't deserve you all...Thanks all, for listening to me on Sunday.

Why can't I be a kid again? Why must we all grow up?

lil Bonz.

I need to catch those zzzzzzzzzzzz's

Ok, I need to catch some zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz's. I've been staying up til 2am if not later every night since last Thursday. I realized how it takes a toll on me now. It's fine on the weekend but during the work week, I get really tired and 6 cups of Green tea doesn't help.

Today, I didn't fall asleep, just yawned because it was "flu shot" at work today. That's right. She stabbed me in the arm and now it's numb. I can barely lift my right arm. Thankfully, it's on my right arm and not on my left since I'm a lefty.

The fog here is so bad that I was almost late for my dentist appt. No cavities, YAY!

Gotta catch those ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ's. Stop running away from me zzzzzzzzzzzzz's. hahaha.

Hmmmmmmmm I don't know what to say

Going into this weekend, I had certain things I wanted to accomplish...There are things that I can't say...Try to be positive right?

What I did accomplish:
1. I went salsa dancing w/ friends from Fellowship. I've never gone salsa dancing before, let alone clubbing at Club Flamingo. Thanks Elaine. I learned that salsa dancing isn't for me, but I wouldn't have known, unless I tried. Now I can say, I've given it a try. One of the men that I danced w/ earlier during salsa lessons asked me to dance later on. So I thought, ok, whatever...Then I started to feel uncomfortable as that guy was trying to pick me up while we were dancing. Since I didn't want to be rude, as soon as the dance was over, I was like, gotta go...Thanks Marc for helping me out.

2. On Saturday, Andrew and Cliff came over to help w/ the "sandwich run" in DT. We packed approximately 20-25 sandwiches, a drink box and a few chocolate cookies in each bag. Some people received it w/ open arms and some said no thanks. Although, I wasn't as comfortable talking to them for long periods of time or get to know them...one thing I forgot to do, was ask their name. This is something that Donald a friend of mine said to do...From his experience of doing sandwich runs, you ask their name and make small chat. Our group set out at Front/Spadina and walked all over TO, to Jarvis, College, and to some other places, then back to the starting point. It was a good learning experience and to see how truly blessed we are. Thanks to Alice for the cookies and drinks and thanks to Christina for the little bookmarks.

3. Later that evening, I had Jumping Frog, so I drove back to Sauga and back to TO in the same night. Let's just say parking underground is EXTREMELY hard. 19 visitor parking spots for 1000 people. It took me 40 minutes to find a parking spot after coming back in to TO. I missed 2/3 of the "Biblical food" but I did try some delicious items. Wild rice, eggplant, couscous, yes all veagen food but so yummy.

This was the first time that I drove on my own in and out of TO and it was pretty scary. Yes, I'm a student driver, I takes me 10 tries to park underground just to find out, that someone has that spot already, then another 10 minutes to turn my car around. Thankfully, I didn't have hit anything while driving in TO; however, a taxi went into my lane w/o signalling on the Gardiner. I honked at him to get his attn, and yet he ignored me. I continuously honked and I kinda dodged his taxi but caused me to go into someone else's lane. Fortunately, there were no cars beside me.

Although today, I hit the curb while driving my friend back to TO, by dropping off at Kipling Stn. I was backing out at the Church and I didn't see the curb and hit it. Fortunately no damage to my car. I still made it back to Pho for lunch but got lost coming back. Went 427 South, then I realized there's no exit to go WEST Hamilton. So I ended up at Sherway Gardens, driving west on Queensway. I thought Queensway was like Eglinton, the speed limit being 70km/hr or approx. only to find out it was 50km/hr. Thankfully, no police were around and I slowed down when I saw the sign.

I've been troubled lately and perhaps I'll blog it later, but I need to gather my thoughts first.

You're almost there Fun-Gaw

To my Fun-Gaw,

I believe in you...I know you can do it. It's no longer a dream, it's coming true. You told me what you wanted to do one year ago when we first met, and you're almost there. Don't give up! Don't be "lazy" as you put it. Dreams are for dreamers...You have a vision and it's clear as day. You're ALMOST there, don't be discouraged. Everyone is here to SUPPORT you.

We've had our ups and downs, but through it all, we've been there for each other for support. More importantly, God has revealed Himself to us more and more this year. Lean on Him for support, He will give you all the strength you need to accomplish this. I want to be able to see the finish product soon. You have this special gift, and I've seen your work. You can do this...

Remember, I believe in you...you will get the store up and running.

Don't dissapoint me now...=(

Your friend, "Dan-Tat"

Friday Night

I took the day off, so that was nice...stayed up the night before til 3am, don't remember writing my last blog entry at all. It was nice to have slept in til 11am, go for a quick jog and visit my ex-collegues. It has been so long since I visited them. Not much has changed, but my Tammy was on a shoot so she wasn't in the office=(. After talking to a few more people, I went to run errands and buy molasses for making gingerbread houses. Kinda last minute, but Elaine and I decided to do a "girls nite" because the boyz were doing a "guys nite" shopping at SQ1. Since I took the day off, I decided to take the challenge and make gingerbread house from scratch. We made two gingerbread houses but due to the time it takes to make it I made the gingerbread in the afternoon. Chanthan, also came over for some fun...Elaine's gingerbread house was directed at Dennis, hahaha...heart shaped roof, aaaawwwwwwwww...how romantic. Chan's and mine was kinda like a romantic getaway. We had fun making it though. Played tic-tac-toe on one side of the roof, she won and the other side was filled with valentine heart candies with sayings "I love you", "only you", "ezy 2 luv","u're cool", etc...The front door had the candies, "meet me", "I'm ready" lol. There were good conversations about girl "stuff", talking about guys...oh, you guys probably want to know eh? hahaha.

We joined the guys around 9:30 at Josh's and watched a horror movie...Amityville or something. Yes, I get scared easily...Dave and Alana went to the store to grab some junk food while the rest of us just watched the movie and chatted.

Gendred Close Relationships

Friendship and Gender

Relevant Readings:

Julia T. Wood, "Gendered Close Relationships."

I. Friendship as a special category of interpersonal relationships.

A. Along with other categories of relationships, like familial relationships and romantic relationships, friendships are recognized as a special type of interpersonal relationship:

1. A category of close relationships: relationships that endure over time and in which participants depend on one another for various things from affection to material assistance (Wood, 200).

a. depending on the culture, close relationships can include all sorts of formal relationships: parental, kinship based, romantic.

b. individuals have strong feelings for each other.

2. Friendship is a relationship between persons who are well known to each other and which involves liking and affection and usually some degree of mutual obligation.

3. More than other common relationships, friendships are characterized by their voluntary quality and vary greatly in duration and intensity.

a. the characteristics of friendship are shaped by such factors as age and gender.

1) among children friendships are a key site where socialization and bonding takes place.

2) but adults report having few close friendships.

3) men report having fewer close friends than women.

4. But researchers argue that certain characteristics define friendships:

a. mutually productive: friendships cannot be destructive to the other person or to oneself.

b. mutual free choice: persons cannot be forced to become friends; such relationships are willingly entered into.

c. mutual positive regard: friendship is based on a liking of the other person. Liking is the basis for:

1) trust
2) emotional support
3) sharing of interest

B. Researchers have identified three basic types of friendships

1. Friendship of reciprocity: an ideal type of friendship characterized by loyalty, self-sacrifice, mutual affection, and generosity.

a. each person shares equally in giving and receiving the benefits of the friendship.

2. Friendship of receptivity: based on an imbalance of giving and receiving

a. one person is the primary giver, the other the primary receiver.

b. however, the relationship is seen as positive because the needs of each person are satisfied (complementary relationships).

c. the relationship is based on and reinforces a difference in status

d. can develop in professional settings (doctor/patient; teacher/student, employer/employee)

3. friendship of association: a transitory form of friendship.

a. sometimes characterized as a friendly relationship rather than true friendship

b. can characterize relationships between classmates and neighbors.

4. In addition, researchers who focus on gender issues sometimes characterize two other forms of friendship:

a. Friends of the Heart: friends who remain close, regardless of the changes in people"s lives.

1) often characterizes friendships between women.

b. Friends of the Road: friends who are temporary and with whom intimacy is not sustained when one of the friends moves or substantial changes occur in their lives.

1) often characterizes friendships between men.

C. Researchers have also identified specific value or rewards that friendship promote:

1. affirmation value: a friend may act as a mirror that affirms our personal value and helps us recognize our attributes as a person.

2. ego-support value: friends help us see ourselves as worthy and competent persons through their support and encouragement.

3. security value: a friend is someone we can act freely around and does not emphasize or draw attention to our inadequacies or weaknesses.

4. security value: the friend does nothing to hurt the other person by emphasizing their inadequacies or weaknesses.

5. utility value: a friend may have special talents, skills, or resources that prove useful in achieving specific goals and needs.

D. Stages of friendship development

1. As with many kind of relationships, researchers argue that friendships usually follows a pattern of stages.

a. leading from strangers to intimate friends.

b. based on a process of self-disclosure and establishing commonality (social penetration theory)

1) any particular friendship may involve progression, regression or may stabilize at a given stage.

2. Stages:

a. acquaintanceship: characterized by little genuine immediacy or reciprocity in communication

1) people see themselves as separate individuals.
2) communication may be stilted and awkward

b. casual friendship: the appearance of dyadic consciousness.

1) as sense of "we-ness": people recognize themselves as involved in a relationship
2) increasing levels of self-disclosure and empathy
3) communication becomes increasingly immediate and less formal

c. close and intimate friendship:

1) members see themselves as a more exclusive social unit
2) dyadic consciousness becomes more pronounced.
3) members can predict each other"s behaviors with accuracy
4) development of an "other orientation": a willingness to make sacrifices for the other person.
5) persons become prominent and important in each other"s lives.

II. Gendered friendships

A. Selected aspects from Wood"s article.

B. Women and men tend to develop gendered ways of experiences and expressing closeness.

1. These differences can often give rise to misunderstanding and hurt feelings and damaged relationships.

C. Models for conceptualizing the differences between men and women"s expressions of closeness:

1. The "Male deficit Model":

a. based on the idea that personal, emotional talk is the hallmark of intimacy.

1) argues that women are much more interpersonally competent than men in being able to use talk in these ways.

2) these differences arise from gendered socialization.

b. so men"s ways of relating are inadequate.

2. The "Alternate Path Model"

a. also presents gendered socialization as a source of relational differences between men and women.

b. but does not assume that men are shut down emotionally:

1) do not lack feelings and emotional depth

2) see relationships as important in their lives.

3) men"s ease at expressing such emotions are constrained by masculine socialization.

c. Also, men do express closeness in ways that they value and understand.

1) these ways simply differ from women"s

Another week has ended

Time for the weekend...It's been along work week yet it's gone by pretty fast. I'm excited for the weekend, I do have a couple plans this weekend. Well, probably a few...I may go out tomorrow and just chill. Saturday, I plan to go w/ friends from my Fellowship to Kitchener to help sort boxes for Samaritan's Purse (Operation Christmas Child). Oh the weekend is going to go by sooooooooo fast. All I can do is cherish every moment of it.

Decisions Decisions...Why can't life be simple?

It's been almost two weeks since I've last blogged...A lot of work, keeping busy, sometimes way too busy for my own good=( A few of you knew that I've been putting a lot of OT and my health wasn't that great last week. In addition, I was awaiting for my CGA evaluation, to see what I'd be exempted from as it's approaching five years since I graduated from Sheridan. I graduated at 21 years old. I wasn't sure if Accounting was what I wanted to do, am I sure? Still not 100% confident but I might as well furhter my education to advance my career while I'm pondering this thought though.
Soooooooo...what did I want to do? As I as growing up, I wanted to be a cancer researcher, lab research to do testing to find cures, but then I thought about all the schooling I'd have to go through and the process would be long. I remember disecting a fetal pig in high school and I threw up, so if I can't do it w/o throwing up, how can I go into medicine or research? Another career path I wanted to consider was archaeolgy...I liked discovering or researching historical artifacts, the Aztecs, the Incas, the Pharoahs, and other historical items. Yes, sounds kinda boring eh? To me, it was amazing. Discovering what's out there beyond my four walls. Lately, I've considered doing short-term missions. Geoff, I'm not going to Paris or Asia just yet to do STM but I want to be able to help others in different countries, maybe even as a relief worker someday.
We(my friends) and I are at a stage in life, where you kinda ask, where is my life going? Why am I here in Mississauga? Am I fulfilling God's plan for me? Why can't life be simple? Why do we have so many choices? Freewill...b/c God gave us freewill. For me, I'm somewhat indecisive...I don't know what I want or unsure of what I want b/c I care too much of what others think of me rather than what I think of myself. I'm still trying to rebuild that confidence that was severly tarnished years ago. My self-confidence that as shattered so long ago, still leaves scars, even as I rebuild it, it takes time. There was a point in my life that I couldn't decide what to wear, white or blue? The colour of socks or jacket, it was that bad.

But years go by, and I'm getting more better at decision making but sometimes I wonder is this what God wants for me?