Lord, hear my prayer

Lord, you know my heart and my thoughts...You know me better than I know myself. Without You, Lord, I am nothing.

As I cloak myself and become "invisible to the naked eye", I pray that the words from my mouth are not mine but Yours. Things I say will and can be hurtful, but if left unsaid, it may cause further complications.

Lord, You sent your servant these past few days to help me see the big picture but perhaps it is me that is the problem? Do I deserve more?

What are you trying to teach me, O Lord? Can the answer be that obvious? "Friends are Friends Forever, if the Lord is Lord of them. And a friend will not say never..." Real friends will endure hardships but overcome obstacles as long as the Lord is the focus.

At times like these, I wonder, there are so many problems in the world, so much hatred and anger and yet, I seem to complain about myself. In comparison, my problem seems so non-important , yet b/c I am human and confused, I tend to confuse the two. I wish I didn't over analyze things...

Lord, hear my prayer and guide me, give me the wisdom, patience and humbleness that I seek.

Something from a movie?

This past weekend, I went to Pacmall w/ friends(the boyz)...but before I met up with them, I had to meet an aquaintance to do some "stuff." Now this is the funny part...if someone was filming this, it'd be funny.

I was to meet this individual at Pacmall's centre court, by the stage. Now if you've been to this mall, you will know that it's a pain to look got anyone w/ a cell phone especially when you're looking for another Chinese that you haven't seen in a year or so. At the time, SCAC (Scarborough Chinese Alliance Church) was doing some outreach and singing at the stage where I was to meet G. This just happen to be by chance. Good way to evangelize I guess w/ G. Since, I do ont recall too much what he looked like, I held out a brochure but I told him what I'd be wearing more or less.

Soooo I'm there waiting for him, of course I'm early, I show up at 3:20pm, and the meet up is at 3:30pm. Since I was early, I decided to just look around and listen to the music in Cantonese. I found a corner, well off to a side of the stage to wait for him where I can see all sides of the centre court. Next to me, was a man dressed in the typical golf shirt in his twenties, also listening to the music. I see him looking at me then looking away and I too do the same. Of course, I didn't pay attention b/c it didn't look like him or what I remember of him. Minutes go by, and this goes on for awhile, the you look at me and I look at you stage. I'm thinking well, maybe he's waiting to approach me regarding the gospel and of course, my response is I'm from MCAC. However, he doesn't speak to me not quite yet.

A few minutes go by again, the clock is ticking...minutes before 3:30pm. This same man makes a call on his cell...Of course, I was waiting for several calls, as I was meeting the boyz there too. Yes, O called me to say, we're on our way. When the man, made his phone call, my phone rang...of course, I didn't think anyting of it at the time. Since the music was still going on, it was pretty loud and when I picked up my phone, it disconnected. I'm like "hello?","hello?"...The very next second, the man that has been standing next to me says, "Bonnie" I was like G? No way...we've been standing next to each other for the last ten minutes playing this starring game, yet you were right there.

Sooo we chatted for 10-15 minutes just to catch up and parted ways. I'm sure our paths will cross again, b/c Lewis and Ton are friends w/ G as well. Anywayz, I just thought this game was kinda funny....

Btw, the outreach was great. The worship music was awesome...The Chinese version of our MCAC's English music worship team. I approached one of the guys from SCAC and said great job!! I mentioned I was from MCAC, he said you came a long way see us? I said, well I'm here to meet up w/ people, just happens SCAC was there.

Sooooo Touching...

Today, I came across this quote...it was very touching...I was like WOW! I wanted to share w/ everyone:

"Two hearts, one love

Two promises, one covenant

Two lives, made one in Christ"

I'm sure you can all guess where that kinda quote comes from. As summer is full of weddings and engagements, your friends start to pair off...One can't help, but ponder in the back of their minds will this be "me" one day?

Everyone will find a companion one day if they haven't one day perhaps...God's plan for each individual is different. You may have found your soulmate(s), I say plural b/c soulmates can also just be friends and not lovers. This is known as the "companion soulmate." By definition it is "These are people that we encounter through their life. These are usually friends, teachers, mentors, or other people who have helped you achieving a life's goal or helped you out of a crisis." Twin soulmates are defined as "These types of soulmate are your closest friends or a person whom you really click with. According to those who believe in reincarnation, you have already met them in a past life, and in this life you are continuing the relationship. There is an emotional bond between these soulmates and each is able to sense the feelings of each other." Well, I don't believe in reincarnation but two people who can have a close emotional bond and still remain friends is possible. Ok, so everyone's thinking that's not the soulmate usually referred to in relationships...but there will be people in your lives that cross between a "companion soulmate and "twin soulmate."

To love or not have loved at all...that is the question. Unfortunately, the love everyone seeks will involve risk, the pain of losing him/her. Is it worth it? The first relationship is always the hardest...You put yourself into a vulnerable situation and when you get hurt or you hurt the other person, wounds take time to heal.

My advice? Begin as Friends and let it flourish when it is time, bring it before God and pray together, seek his guidance. I can write all this, but doesn't mean I can do all this just quite yet.

Lord, you showed me so much, I just want to cry...

Lord, tonight I heard the testimonies/experiences of Uncle Swiba and Aunite Brenda...I think back to one year ago when they left, when I first came to MCAC then, how much my life has changed. Of course, I can never well not anytime soon share what kind of pains I gone through, but to also realize what my life was like when I first came to MCAC. I will admit, it brought some memories back, a few that are rather left in the past, I guess just seeing them tonite again and how I was there at their farewell party just one year ago, it just made me want to cry.

Tonite, my friend and I had a deep chat/concern for some people we all care about...but a Pastor friend gave me some advice and how we should approach this sensitive issue to our friends. Who'd think we'd chat til almost 2am about it. One of the good things that came out of this conversation, is that we made a promise to each other, to hold each other accountable. It is a challenge for me, but I'm willing to take it.

Furthermore, I know what I want in finding my "Better half." When my friend asked me this, at Easter, I just gave a typical answer of what I want but at the same time I wasn't focused on that. Looking for a man after God's heart first is sometimes easier said than done. Looks is nothing, sorry to disspoint guys, but honestly, if the heart is not God's first, than buddy, you don't meet the quals...This may sound a little harsh, but I finally will stick to my "guns", see through the shell, the outer layer, getting to know the person w/in. I know I do not necessarily have the best pretty side(personality wise) either, NOT even close to perfect, unfortunately those closest to me know what I've tlaking about... but if you're not intersted in helping me develop my Spiritual life, how can we be together? Of course, I don't have the right to judge "guys", b/c I myself am not perfect but I pray that God grants me patience and wisdom. Yes, it took 25years of my life to figure out what I want and to stick w/ it...I can be indecisive, extremely...hahaha..but that is b/c of something that happnd in HS, that thinking back brings tears. Tonite, a friend of mine asked me to name 3 goodlooking engineers...now I could only name two that fit her standards as "good looking" but to me "good looking" is not just the physical appearance. God created us to be unique, for me I know a lot of engineers...but as long as the "heart" is good looking and healthy that's the most important thing. Yes, these people do exist, you just have to pray and seek God's guidance. Who knows? It may be someone you know or somewhere out there...My advice to guys and gals, seek God first and the rest will fall into place=)

Enough rambling, it's almost 3am...

I DO NOT USE MY CAR FOR BUMPER CARS

What can I say? Massive headache today at work!! On top of that, my throat is very sore. It felt like there is scarred tissue as if I've been screaming all nite long, which, btw, I have not. Busy as well since I am in the middle of completing a corp run. I guess one of the things that bothered me was one of the jokes someone said to me today...ok, so I am the youngest in my accounting department I think...but still!! Must you say that I use my car as a bumper car? I mean it's not like I have accidents all the time. I'm sure it was meant as a joke but still, I kinda felt hurt. "If you stop using your car as a bumper car, you wouldn't have any problems with your car." First of all, I know it's a priviledge to be driving which can be taken away at anytime. Second of all, don't compare me to others.
AAAAAAaaarrrrrghhhhhh....!!!

Gotta keep in Contact w/ Everyone, My goal...

That's my goal...Something I tend to preach but not very good at doing necessarily. I tend to procastinate. It's usually I have nothing planned or one too many activities going on at the same time. Something I realized on Saturday is that how seldom I see the "Engineering gang/HS friends." I had such a great time on Saturday that I didn't want the night to end so soon. Steph and I saw one of our HS friends that neither of us have seen in almost 10years. I knew she was going to be at the wedding but didn't know if I could recognize her as it's been sooo long. Thanks to Chanthan for reintroducing us and Steph and I, in turn introduced her to some of our other friends.

Kudos to Chris and Chanthan for keeping the gang together over the past couple years. Thanks to Many and Linda for bringing the whole group together to share in their happiness. The one event that all of us made an effort to attend. Coming from Scarborough or Markham or even us Burlington people, coming together. It doesn't happen often. This only hit me more as one of the guests at my table asked my friends and I, how do you guys see each other? Everyone is scattered everywhere...Me of course, being blunt, replied: "I don't. It's been six months since I've seen him and three months since I've seen the rest of 'em." A few of us all live in Burlington, so I guess I see them more often.

Unfortunately, the weekdays are long and the weekends are too short. No one really wants to plan anything b/c no one wants to go anywhere or already have plans. I'm also guilty of this. I've neglected some of my friends as well. Not just my "Eng" buddies, but also my other buddies. (Note: Not the same context as Emmanuel's def of "buddy")

Time is short, Friendships are precious. I can't stay ANGRY forever...FORGIVENESS is the key. Everyone has fun when, we're not fighting w/ each other. A lot of us realized also that we're all grown up and everyone has different priorities and that time we all shared in the past well isn't the same anymore. The solution we've all come up w/ is that we'll all try to meet up at least for bdays, Christmas and weddings.

World Cup-Soccer...Go Italy!!

Ahhhhhhhhh...World Cup Soccer. I must admit, I never followed soccer until recently when it became the craze at work and fellowship, but mostly work. Today, I joined my Emmanuel Buddies (O,M,D, A&M, C, E, J, S, JE) and friends of Josh's at Cooper's Pub in Sauga to watch the final match. This was my first game that I watched at a Pub and I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one either=)

A few groups sitting w/ in the vicinity of our group got kicked out b/c the underaged were drinking which is ILLEGAL! At the time, I didn't know what was going on, and the customers involved were a bit agressive, mad and violent to some extent. I was thinking, oh no, I get to witness my first bar fight/pub fight. Fortunately, the events were not escalated.

Basically, Italy won!! Italy won during the penalty shoot out 5-3.

Thanks M for the rides today=)

Many&Linda's Wedding

Despite what you guys think, no I do not spend days getting dressed for a wedding reception, only hours...hahaha...This evening, my MAC buddies and a couple HS friends went to Many and Linda's Wedding reception at Carmen's Banquet Hall. C, Chan and K were part of the wedding party...Unfortunately, I didn't take pics of Chris in a tux...darn!

At this wedding banquet, it was all Chinese Food catered from some restaurant in Hamilton. The typical 11 dishes+dessesrt... I ate the Shrimp(w/head) and jellyfish as part of my promise that I made to someone w/ trying new dishes. Expanding my food menu if you will...It was a surprise to a few of my Chinese friends/acquaintances there, especially J, as he never met anyone who's Chinese and yet never ate those items before...hahaha...After the dinner, S and I took part in a couple "Cambodian" dances. It was also open bar and no, I didn't drink.

At the stroke of midnight, the gang went to grab pieces of wedding cake, in my case, since I love to share and give away food, hahaha...I didn't end up stuffing myself. At the same time, K(the best man) was quite drunk at this time, I almost got him wearing pieces of the wedding cake. Photos can be seen on the side bar "Photo Album." This was actually the first function the MAC gang/HS gang got together at a formal function. Very nice to see everyone dressed up in tuxes and dresses, acting very gentlemen/lady like...polite and courteous. Now, if they could do this everyday...HAHAHA...jk everyone!

I hope everyone got home safely b/c all of you were drinking and driving!! Although, my driving was meh, b/c I wasn't used to driving a Toyota Solara, I arrived home alive!

"A New Horizon"

This past long weekend, eight of us from Emmanuel went to the Church retreat at the U of Guelph. Due to the kickoff being friday nite, I stayed at my aunt and uncle's condo in Sauga. I enjoyed my short stay at their condo, but not something I'd do often. Like the typical relatives, they feed you and feed you until you want to die and make sure that you're comfortable. It's been a long time, since anyone asked me what time I'll be home so I tried to respect their rules while staying there. I went to sleep late that nite and got up at 5:30AM b/c, knowing me gotta do the "girl" stuff. To say the least, Marc, my chauffeur (hahaha) came to pick me up at 6:30AM bright and early...then went to pick up Dave. Enough gibberish from me now, there are several highlites, I wanted to mention.

The messages were good, spoken by Rev.Dr. Herman Chow... Most memorable messages include, your "real self", ABC's (Accept one another, Build one another and Carry one another's burden.) From the Chinese speaker, Rev. Chong, his memorable quote, "Grace is unfair!" Quite the interesting speaker, he himself was an ex-gangster, so he had a rough time growing up as well.

The food...well what can I say??? Cafe food, high in fat and greasy...I've been on a diet since I came back. The food was making me queasy=( I don't think I was able to finish all the food on my plate. Thanks to the boyz who came to my rescue and finished it for me. We all collected fruits and crackers, leftovers, typical "Chinese" and brought it back to the hotel. By the end of the retreat, there was so much fruit, chocolates, and muffins/cinn.buns. FOOD FOOD FOOD!!

The fellowship aspect of it was great as well. There was a lot of free time, so we all played "spoon", Monopoly and Taboo. "Spoon" is a violent card game, very agressive and it's everyman for himself. A couple guys got injured during this game from scrapes and scratches...Sorry Oli, didn't mean to make you bleed and seek the Nurse. Marc, sorry for the scratches and possible bruises. Let's just say, if you want to grab the "pen" away from me, it's not that easy. I'll bearhug you to grab the "pen" or die trying...hahaha... On another note, the girlz had a great time in my room too...Elaine you're a great roomie. While playing Monopoly, apparently, we were a bit loud and were told by Hotel Staff to close the door and keep it down as there were several complaints. I didn't think we were that loud...oh well!

Rules for Men, "Say it ain't so!"

These are the rules(REMEMBER IT WAS WRITTEN BY A MAN): Please note... these are all numbered “1” ON PURPOSE!
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Saturday = sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
1. If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” we will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
1. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as Sex, Sport, or Cars.
1. You have enough clothes.1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.Did you know men really don’t mind sleeping on the couch? It’s like camping.